You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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