1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
