This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
