My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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