why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
