just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
