hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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