HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
