connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
