I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
this hospital has no fireball
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
