I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
