Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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