Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
