I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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