My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
