I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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