What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
