I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
