Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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