Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
...so i touched it.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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