I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I think I won the penis lottery.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
