bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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