i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Randomize
