I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
