just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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