Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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