she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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