you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
