TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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