Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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