I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
