If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
