i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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