someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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