Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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