babies were throwing up all over the place
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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