I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you traded sex for a burrito?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
