guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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