it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
