as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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