I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
