Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize