Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize