At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
