I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Randomize
