At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
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