I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
