all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize