No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
