OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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