Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
