i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
how does that bad decision feel?
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