That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
