I must be too annoying 4 u.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
