Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
