Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
