im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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