he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize