u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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