i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
